The Hyper Theticals Podcast

S3E11 - Three-Legged Wrestling

As we discuss this episode, there are really only about a dozen possible conversation topics, once you really get to think about it. Once you've exhausted the possibilities of bees, vehicles, bees in vehicles... well, it's time to finally finish what we started way back in our first ever episode, and lay to rest once and for all the contentious matter of how to fix sport! Join us as we cook up a tasty melange of Squid Game and the Triwizard Tournament, then finish up with everybody's favourite dessert: the nauseatingly-named Hyper-Fake-Icals (documentary edition). Which one of these true stories is too fake to be true?

 

Music used: "Investigation", "Funkorama" and March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E10 - Love Triangle with a Weregoose

Ever since that first time an audience got freaked out by a train, we've been fascinated by the ol' moving pictures. But have we done all we can with this inspiring medium? As ever, the answer is a resounding no. Sure, we could keep just re-releasing superhero sequels and live-action remakes of animated classics, but the modern audience demands so much more. Join us as we explore genre-busting twists on classic tales, play with the paper-thin distinction between horror and romance, and discover that, as usual, almost everything is better in the imagination of a child.

 

Music used: "Local Forecast - Slower" and March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E9 - Shotput Xylophone

If music be the food of love, then it's time to put love on a diet. Honestly, this stuff'll clog your arteries. We've heard your chart pops, your synth beats and your hard rocks, and honestly none of them are quite cutting the mustard. As is reliably the case, the status quo needs shaking up, and we've got the ol' Disrupt-o-matic all revved up and ready to go. We're talking Non-Fungible-Tracks, concerts so intimate they barely exist, and unwieldly cylinders of rich, malleable wax.

 

Music used: "Joey's Formal Waltz - Unscented" and March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E8 - Toy Story True

Plastic pals that come alive. Every kid's dream, right? Sneaking around your bedroom at night, getting into mischief. What could possibly go wrong. Join us as we take a deep dive into what the world might actually look like if a) the Toy Story films were 100% true and b) the cat was out of the bag (or toy was out of the box, or whatever).  If you haven't seen any of the films then... spoilers I guess. But the point is, the toys come alive when nobody's looking. You get it.

 

Music used: "Ethernight Club" and March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E7 - Call an Ambulance, I'm Wrapped in Felt!

You may not like it, but this is what peak human performance looks like. Squat, scaly forms heaving their metallic bulk over the scorched landscape. Gradually slowing, slowing, slowing down as the precious heat leaves their blood. As they grind to a stately halt, a majestic crest extends! Up, up it reaches, a salute to the heavens, a mute appeal to a nameless god, a conduit for the light, the life, the precious power.

At least, that'd probably be the case if the Earth was covered in constant lightning storms. Also your energy bill would likely be lower. Contact your local government representative today, and maybe we can make it happen!

And then, just for fun, come back and listen to us play Hyper-fake-icals about art installations. It's surprisingly difficult to come up with something someone, somewhere hasn't already done.

 

Music used: "Hyperfun", "Fluffing a Duck" and March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E6 - Batman's Delusion Goggles

According to The Matrix, they had to trap everyone in a simulation that mirrored real life - as opposed to a perfect digital utopia - because when they tried the latter for Matrix 1.0, the collective minds of humanity rejected it. That does seem like an appropriate punchline to the cosmic joke that is consciousness, and if you look around at the simulations we build for ourselves to get lost in, you can kind of see their point. Our digital playgrounds tend to feature more threat, drudgery and capitalism than we might expect of paradise, but heck if we don't crave those kill-you-over-and-over bosses, 0.5% drop rates on loot and delicious microtransactions. Oh, those tasty tasty crates. Anyway. Come listen to us date ourselves as we discuss what life could be like if it followed the same rules and logic as videogames.

 

Music used: "On Hold For You" and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E5 - Nazi Zombie Army: Sniper Elite (in Space) Pride and Prejudice 3 - The Return

There are two types of people: 1) those who will one day be zombies, and 2) those who will one day be their food. Pretty sure we read that on an inspirational bumper sticker or something. Then I guess you've got the oh-so-badass survivors (let's call them 3), many of whom end up as number 2) by the end of the movie anyway, so the few who don't are really a negligible statistical anomaly. So you know what forget 3, they don't deserve their own category. And now that we think about it, most of the time the bizarre biology of the living dead decrees that becoming zombie food means becoming a zombie, so it's really all just 1) with extra steps. Maddening!

 

Ok, let's just make a note here - To Do: 1) track down that lorry driver so we can refute his bumper sticker, 2) figure out better way to survive inevitable zombie apocalypse. We'll get to number 1) later, if there's time before the infection starts. 2) seems more pressing, so before we can confuse ourselves with any more numbered lists, let's go ahead and make that the theme of this episode.

 

Music used: "Guzheng City" and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E4 - Shovelling Gravel into an Ostrich

Don't get us wrong, we love dogs. And horses, horses are great. Actually, since they basically occupy the middle of that Venn diagram, it's possible we love greyhounds most of all. But that's not the point - the point is, what if humans hadn't been able to base their early civilisation around the domestication of such familiar species, and had to branch (and trunk, and root, and tunnel and river) out instead?

Picture a bucolic farmyard scene. Under a blue sky, amid rolling hills, sheep graze peacefully like earthbound clouds. But what's that bounding towards them over the windswept meadow? A sheepdog? No. As it draws nearer you make out the roiling, tumbling form of a ball made of a million giant ants. And they want to help.

 

Music used: "The Entertainer" and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E3 - Beef Lightning

Heaven forbid we ever engage in anything approaching continuity on this programme, but looking at this and last episode it's possible to start noticing a theme. And it's 'misinformation', which is probably bang on the mark for our brand! This time, rather than confirming conspiracy theories for fun and profit, we set about justifying that other mainstay of fake news: spurious correlations. You know when the graph they flash up looks so clear, so neat and obviously true that you can't possibly question it? And sometimes that graph is showing you how the local divorce rate is inextricably linked to margarine consumption? You might wonder how that's possible, what the people who make the numbers dance might be trying to tell you, whether it all means anything at the end of the day. Be confused no longer, dear listeners. We have the answers right here, and we're eager to share.

 

Music used: "Ethernight Club" and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S3E2 - Lucy in the Sky with Dinosaurs

We all know you have to check your facts in this age of misinformation. You've gotta do your due diligence, be appropriately sceptical. You don't just lap up the fake news that the mainstream media is trying to feed you. No no, you open a new tab, run a quick search, open up to two (2) of the results from the first page, skim the headline and scroll down to the last sentence and see if they look like they agree with the first thing you saw. Or at least if the stock photo gives you a positive vibe. Or you check the comments, but you don't just believe the first one! No no, you scroll down and and look for the later ones that call out the earlier commenters out for being sheeple. They probably did the research. Or if you don't like their opinion you can go one layer deeper to the ones calling them out, as is your preference.

But what of those who've seen through the whole Matrix? Those few, heroic mavericks spreading the truth that the government labours night and day to keep from you? What if Elvis was indeed still alive, and being kept with the real Paul McCartney and the cryogenically preserved Walt Disney and any number of other people I've written about on my blog if you would just read the sources I cited and see the obvious connections, safe and sound on Hitler's moon base where NASA doesn't want you to look? What, in fact, if all the conspiracy theories were correct, about everything, at the same time?

 

Music used: "Night in Venice" and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

 

S3E1 - Long-Range Dentistry

What would happen if the mechanical contrivances upon which we rely ever more heavily were to betray us - their hapless, trusting creators - with no warning or mercy, and indulge in a twisted mockery of their intended purpose? What if, in fact, all machines did the exact opposite of what they were built for, 1% of the time? Picture a world where the 1% isn't just the hated pinnacle of the socio-economic pyramid, but also the very real possibility that your flight back home won't be taking off today as scheduled, but will instead bury you deep within the Earth.

 

Please also welcome the return of a segment we're calling (don't ask us why) Biblio-phoney! That is to say, Hyper-fake-icals (still don't ask us): book title edition. We found so many inspiringly weird and wonderful book titles last time, we simply had to return to plumb the depths of that deep, deep well. Step right up and see if you can guess the fakes! Place your bets, precious listeners, and off we go!

 

Music used: "Plucky Daisy", "The Entertainer", and "March of the Spoons"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

S2E12 - Black Friday Battle Droids

How do we save the High Street? On occasion, gentle listeners, even the highly trained hogwashers at Hyper Theticals Inc. cannot avoid being a little topical. We stand, ever vigilant, as your stalwart defenders against the vile incursions of "current events" and "useful information".  We think you will agree there is far, far too much of that around already. Nevertheless, we cannot turn a blind eye when there is a chance our invigorating insights, delivered at such a crucial juncture in the manner of a vaccine, might make the difference.

 

Music used: "March of the Spoons" and "Cuban Sandwich"
by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/